What... what are you smiling about?
Nothing.
No, wha... what's so funny?
Nothing.
It's these little expressions ofyours.
I don't know what you're talking about
but I'll take it as a compliment.
You're true blue, Ethel.
You really are.
How's your love life?
None ofyour business.
( chuckling )
( hoots )
I'd like you to talk to Royal about us
ifyou don't mind.
I don't think the timing's right for that, Henry.
Well, I'd agree
if I thought he was really going to die in six weeks
but I don't.
Well, I hopeyou're right.
Actually, I don't believe I'll join you tonight.
I'll call you in the morning.
She said that?
( chuckling )
Great.
Got the sucker on the ropes.
( Royal chuckles softly)
Can I ask you something, Hank?
Okay.
Are you trying to steal my woman?
I beg your pardon?
You heard me, Coltrane.
Coltrane?
What?
Did you just call me "Coltrane"?
No.
You didn't?
No.
Okay.
( clears throat)
But if I did...
you wouldn't be able to do anything about it, would you?
You don't think so?
No, I don't.
Listen, Royal
ifyou think you can march in here...
You want to talk some jive?
I'll talk some jive.
I'll talk some jive like you've never heard.
-Oh, yeah? -Right on!
-Sit down. -What?!
Wh-what did you say?
I said sit down, goddamn it!
Oh, I heard you! I want you out of my house!
This is not your house!
I want your raggedy ass out!
Don't talk semantics with me.
Oh, this is not your...
What's going on here?
Nothing.
Mmm.
( whirring and pumping )
( no audio )
Hello, I'm calling in regards to a Dr. McClure-- yes--
at Colby General.
The name of the patient is Royal Tenenbaum.
Hmm...
Is that a Tic-Tac?
( foreboding organ music plays )
( knock on door)
( recorded sitar music playing )
How much is he paying you?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Well, I grew up with the Tenenbaum family, you know.
Right.
Across the street.
Mm-hmm.
They've fallen on hard times now, haven't they?
I can't say no.
This is bullshit.
Change it, huh?
What did you do to your hand?
uh, nothing.
ROYAL: Can we get somebody over here
to kill these mice for us?
No. They belong to Chas.
Or anyway, he invented them.
Well, get him to stick them in a fucking cage
or something.
Etheline... mind coming up here for a minute, please?
What's cooking, Pops?
You'll see.
Now, your previous novel...
Yes. Wildcat.
Right.
Not a success.
Why?
Well, Wildcatwas written in a kind of obsolete
vernacular...
( whispers ): Wildcat...
Wild... cat...
( quietly imitates gunshots )
Wildcat...
I'm going to go.
I'm taking this off and I'm going.
Stepping out.
What the hell kind of way to act is that?
ELl: Open the door.
He's on drugs.
I'll be right back.
James Bradley...
Hold on a minute, please.
What's going on?
Pagoda has something to say.
He has a cancer.
No, he doesn't.
I know what stomach cancer looks like.
I've seen it.
And you don't eat
three cheeseburgers a day with French fries if you got it.
The pain is excruciating.
How would you know?
My wife had it.
Not only is there no Dr. McClure at Colby General
there is no Colby General.
It closed in 1974.
Aw, shit, man.
Oh, shit, man.
( Chas grunts )
( dialing rotary phone )
Yes, can you send a taxi
to 111 Archer Avenue right away, please?
Thank you.
( slams receiver)
I guess we're back out on the street, huh, pal?
Were you part of this, Pagoda?
Of course he was.
No, well, yeah, he was
but, I mean, he wasn't thatinvolved.
Where'd you get all these medical supplies?
A guy at St. Pete's owed me a favor.
I did some malpractice work for him.
I do have high blood pressure, though.
Look, I know I'm going to be the bad guy on this one.
But I just want to say, the last six days have been
the best six days of probably my whole life.
NARRATOR: Immediately after making this statement
Royal realized that it was true.
Why'd you do this to us, Royal?
What was the point?
I thought I could win you back.
And then I thought I could get rid of Henry...
and at least keep the status quo.
But we hadn't spoken in seven years.
I know.
Plus, uh...
I was broke.
And I got kicked out of my hotel.
You're a bastard.
Good-bye, Royal.
Take it easy on those boys, Chassie.
I don't want this to happen to you.
You know, Richie, this illness, this closeness to death
has had a profound effect on me.
I-I feel like a different person, I really do.
Dad, you were never dying.
But I'm going to live.
He's not your father.
Neither are you.
( taxi engine idling )
( dropping bags )
You son of a bitch!
God.... damn...
That's the last time you put a knife in me, hear me?
( groans )
The 375th Street Y, please.
( grunts )
Everyone's against me.
It's your fault, man.
Yeah, I know, but damn it, I want this family to love me.
How much money you got?
I don't have.
What, you're broke?
You got to be kidding me.
How are we going to pay for this room?
All right, we'll think of something.
Ow.
( singing quietly)
( sighing )
I'm not in love with you anymore.
I didn't know you ever were.
Let's not make this any more difficult
than it already is.
Okay.
Okay, what?
Okay, I'm not in love with you, either.
Yes, I know, you're in love with Richie
which is sick and gross.
Do you send my mother your clippings...
and your grades from college?
Please stop belittling me.
You never gave me the time of day
till I started getting good reviews.
Your reviews aren't that good.
But the sales are.
( shutter clicks )
Gentlemen... how much do you already know?
Very little, I'm afraid.
Would you like to examine the report?
Yes.
( driving rock intro )
* Jackie is a punk, Judy is a runt *
* They both went down to Berlin, joined the lce Capades *
* And, oh, I don't know why *
* Oh, I don't know why *
* Perhaps they'll die, oh, yeah *
* Perhaps they'll die *
* Oh, yeah *
* Perhaps they'll die, oh, yeah *
* Second verse, same as the first *
* Jackie is a punk, Judy is a runt *
* They both went down to Berlin, joined the lce Capades *
* And, oh, I don't know why *
* Oh, I don't know why *
* Perhaps they'll die, oh, yeah *
* Perhaps they'll die *
* Oh, yeah *
* Perhaps they'll die, oh, yeah *
( kazoo solo )
* Third verse, different from the first *
* Jackie is a punk... *
She smokes.
Yes.
All right, well.
Everything seems to be in order.
I'll contact you in the next 24 hours.
I appreciate that.
uh, which way are you leaning, by the way?
I'll inform you of my decision
at the appropriate time.
I get it.
uh, Dusty, put in a good word for us, will you?
I already did.
You want to play some word games
or do some experiments on me or anything?
No.
* Your hand on his arm *
* Haystack charm *
* Around your neck *
* Strung out and thin *
* Calling some friend, trying to cash some check *
* He's acting dumb *
* That's what you've come... to expect *
* Needle in the hay *
( medium tempo acoustic guitar solo )
* He's wearin' your clothes *
* Head down to toes *
* A reaction to you *
* You say you know what he did *
* But you idiot kid *
* You don't have a clue *
* Sometimes they just *
* Get caught in the eye *
* You're pulling him through *
* Needle in the hay *
* Needle in the hay... *
( whispering ): I'm going to kill myself tomorrow.
* Needle in the hay *
* Needle in the hay. *
( acoustic guitar continues )
( no audio )
( acoustic guitar crescendos )
( tires squealing )
Dudley, where is he?
Who?
He'll probably sleep for several hours
and then I'll come back to check on him.
All right?
How are you feeling?
Fine, thanks.
Are you in any pain?
Not really.
Why'd you try to kill yourself?
Don't press him right now.
I wrote a suicide note.
You did?
Yeah.
Right after I regained consciousness.
Can we read it?
No.
Can you paraphrase it for us?
I don't think so.
Is it dark?
Of course it's dark.
It's a suicide note.
All right, that's enough.
Doctor said to let him sleep.
What?!
Cover for us, will you, Dusty?
Yes. Yes, Royal.
You've made a cuckold of me.
I know.
Many times over.
I'm sorry.
And you nearly killed your poor brother.
ETHELlNE: What's he talking about?
It doesn't matter.
She's balling Eli Cash.
ETHELlNE: Oh, my goodness.
May I have a cigarette?
What?
Shall I repeat the question?
You don't smoke.
I know that.
( sighs )
And a light.
Au revoir.
ETHELlNE: How long have you been a smoker?
22 years.
Well, I think you should quit.
( door opens )
How can I help?
Let me look at these forms.
Oh, Henry.
Richie Tenenbaum, please.
NuRSE: Your name?
Royal Tenenbaum.
I'm afraid visiting hours are over, sir.
Wh-Wh-What does it say there-- they don't want me?
I-I'm sorry.
I have to refer you to Dr. Burrows.
He'll be in tomorrow afternoon.
( mumbles )
We could shimmy up that gutter
jump over that window ledge
and then, uh, pry open that ventilator shaft.
There he is.
Richie!
Richie.
Where's he going?
Richie!
Well, I have to say
he didn't look half bad for a suicide.
Attempted, anyway.
Thanks.
* Please *
* Give me second grace *
* Please *
* Give me a second face *
* I've fallen far down *
* The first time around *
* Now I just sit on the ground in your way *
( on record player): * Now *
* If it's time for recompense *
* For what's done... *
MARGOT: Who's there?
* Come *
* Come sit down on the fence in the sun... *
Hello?
* And the clouds will roll by *
* And we'll never deny-- *
( needle lifts from record )
( tentflap opens )
W-What are you doing in my tent?
Just listening to some records.
Aren't you supposed to be in the hospital?
I checked myself out.
( rock intro playing on organ )
How many stitches did you get?
I don't know.
You want to see?
* They seem to stay for day after day *
* And won't disappear... *
Jesus.
* I tried every way... *
Richie, that looks horrible.
I heard about your ex-husband.
Desmond?
I guess so.
I didn't get his name.
Yeah.
I met him in the ocean.
I was swimming
and he came out to me in a canoe.
We were only married nine days.
And I heard about Eli.
I know.
Poor Eli.
Anyway, they mostly just talked about you.
They did?
Yeah.
I guess that was the attraction, ifyou know what I mean.
* She smiled sweetly *
* And says don't worry... *
I have to tell you something.
What's that?
I love you.
I love you, too.
* There's no use tryin' *
* You're here *
* Begin again *
* And o'er again *
* That's what she said so softly... *
I can't stop thinking about you.
I went away for a year, and it only got worse
and I don't know what to do.
Let's lie down for a minute.
( sighs )
* She smiled sweetly *
* She smiled sweetly... *
This is the sleeping bag
we took to the museum, isn't it.
Mm-hmm.
* Oh, no, no, no... *
Why'd you do it?
Because of me?
Yeah, but it's not your fault.
( song ends )
You're not going to do it again, are you?
I doubt it.
* Shewould never say *
* Where she came from... *
( crying quietly)
* Yesterday don't matter *
* If it's gone *
* While the sun is bright *
* Or in the darkest night *
* No one knows... *
I think we're just going to have to be
secretly in love with each other
and leave it at that, Richie.
* Good-bye, Ruby Tuesday *
* Who could hang a name on you? *
* When you change with every new day *
* Still I'm gonna miss you... *
Lobby floor.
( song continues softly in background )
Thank you, sir.
Going up?
Yeah.
What floor, sir?
Doesn't matter.
So, you're elevator operators now?
Yeah, just started.
We'll get a bump as soon as we join the union.
( song fades out)
What made you decide to do that?
We're broke.
But in answer to your question
I wanted to prove
I could pay my dues, and whatnot.
I just hope somebody notices.
You asked me why I choked out there that day.
I think I may know the answer
and I wanted your advice.
Sure.
Margot Tenenbaum?
Yeah.
Well, since when?
Since always.
Does she know?
uh-huh.
Well, what does she feel about that?
I think she feels confused.
Well, I can understand that.
It's probably illegal.
I don't think so.
We're not related by blood.
That's true.
Still frowned upon.
But then, what isn't these days, right?
I don't know, maybe it works.
Why not, what the hell.
You love each other.
Nobody knows what's going to happen, so...
You know something.
Don't listen to me.
I never understood her myself.
I never understood any of us.
I wish I could tell you what to do
but I just can't.
That's okay.
No, it's not.
You still consider me your father?
Sure, I do.
I wish I had more to offer in that department.
I know you do, Pop.
I don't blame you, by the way.
uh, she's a great-looking girl
and smart as a whip.
Mordecai.
* Stephanie says that she wants to know *
* Why she's given half her life *
* To people she hates now... *
Holy shit.
You came back.
Jiminy crickets.
That damn bird must have radar in its brain.
Is that true, Mordecai?
I-I'm not so sure this is Mordecai.
What do you mean?
He flew right in here.
This bird has much more white feathers on him.
Oh, the son of a bitch must be molting.
Oh. I need your help with something else.
You got it. What's the situation?
Well, um, I think Eli maybe...
Hold it.
Pagoda, meet me in the lobby.
Let's hit it.
( shoves lever, elevator speeds up )
I didn't mean right this second, but... that's okay.
I don't think it was Ramses.
I believe it was Tootinkamen.
Tutankhamen.
Tutankhamen?
Yes. Tutankhamen.
( knock at door)
( "Rock the Casbah" playing in background )
Yes?
Hey, Richie.
We want to take you to get some help.
Is it just you guys?
ROYAL: Would you
excuse us, please?
Okay.
( turns music off)
Are we still friends?
What do you mean?
Are we?
Of course.
How can you even ask me that?
Well, it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter?
It does matter.
I heard about you and Margot.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what to say.
You don't have to say anything.
I always wanted to be a Tenenbaum, you know.
Me, too.
ELl: 'Cause it doesn't mean
what it used to though, does it?
I wish he'd done this for me when I was a kid.
But you didn't have a drug problem then.
Yeah, but it would've meant a lot to me.
Anyway, I'm glad you're here now.
I recognize that I have a problem...
and I want to get better.
I'll just grab my stuff.
There he goes.
What?!
There he goes.
Tucker!
Skiddly, skiddly.
( mumbles incoherently)
("Christmas Time is Here" playing )
* Christmastime is here *
* Happiness and cheer... *
I'd like to order some ice cream for my daughter, please.
What would you like, Margot?
Nothing. I told you I have to go in five minutes.
Oh.
( quietsigh )
I'll have a butterscotch sundae, I guess.
Your brother's all torn up inside.
Well, so am l, but I'm not going to discuss it with you.
Oh...
Can't somebody be a shit their whole life
and try to repair the damage?
I-I mean, I think people want to hear that.
Do they?
Mmm.
You probably don't even know
my middle name.
That's a trick question.
You don't have one.
Helen.
That was my mother's name.
I know it was.
Anybody interested in grabbing a couple burgers
and hitting the cemetery?
( solemn organ music plays )
( Royal whistles )
I got something for you, Ethel.
Actually, I made it.
What's this?
It's a divorce.
From you?
Yes.
This is Sanchez.
He's a notary public.
-Hello. -Hello, sir.
You just sign here
and initial here and sign there.
You own this building, don'tyou, Henry?
Hmm.
It's magnificent.
I used to be a homeowner myself
until our son expropriated it from me.
I got to catch my bus.
Thanks, Sanchez.
You're welcome.
ETHELlNE: Are we divorced?
Almost.
Sanchez just has to file the papers.
I love you, Etheline.
Congratulations to both ofyou.
I didn't think so much of him at first.
But now I get it.
He's everything that I'm not.
( chuckles )
Take back Pagoda, will you?
( bus drives off)
( string quartettuning )
( playing classical music )
uh, slightly uneven.
Looks okay. You're just nervous.
( knocking )
Henry?
Hello, Richie.
Hi.
This is my son, Walter Sherman.
Hi, Walter. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Henry's your dad?
Yes.
So you've been married before.
Yes. I'm a widower.
Oh, yeah.
I forgot.
You know, I'm a widower myself.
I know you are, Chas.
( plastic rattling againstteeth )
What are you chewing on?
My nicotine inhaler.
It's supposed to help me quit.
Is it working?
Not really.
Well, of course, I'm half Hebrew
but the children are three-quarters Mick Catholic.
So they were raised in the church?
I believe so.
I really don't know.
( tires squealing )
( engine roaring )
Here I come.
Boys!
( scream and crash )
What was that?
Eli just crashed his car into the front of the house.
Oh, my God.
Where's my shoe?
Ari, uzi, where are you?
They're okay, Chas.
It's okay. They're safe.
They're safe.
Dad, they ran over Buckley.
What?
Yeah, I think we lost Buckley.
He saved them.
Who?
Dad. He pulled them out of the way.
You did?
Did I hit anyone?
Is everybody okay?
Eli!
What's going on?
( mumbles )
( yells )
CHAS: Eli!
What?
Hey, man.
You should try this. It's very tasty.
( screaming )
( groaning )
( screaming )
ELl: Tenenbaum!
( gasping )
Chas?
( grunts )
Did I hit the dog?
Yeah.
Is he dead?
Yeah.
I need help.
So do l.
Go around to the other side.
ROYAL: You kids stay there.
We'll be right back.
HENRY: Yeah.
Can I say something to you, Henry?
Okay.
I've always been considered an asshole
for about as long as I can remember.
That's just my style.
But I'd really feel blue
if I didn't think you were going to forgive me.
I don't think you're an asshole, Royal.
I just think you're kind of a son of a bitch.
Well, I really appreciate that.
( sirens approaching )
Could you let us in your backyard, ma'am?
We've got a couple boys back there.
I think you may have broken an ankle.
Well, that's not terribly serious, is it?
Do you have an alternate?
No.
Ready?
Are there priests on call?
Why don't you bring the car around, Anwar.
At which point, I apparently lost control of the vehicle
smashed it into the house, and killed that poor dog.
You're Eli Cash.
Yes indeed, I am.
I love your work.
Oh, how sweet ofyou to say.
DlSPATCHER ( on radio ): 78-35, Code Six.
105 North Sandler...
ROYAL: I think he's part mutt.
What kind of papers do you have for him?
Spark Plug, sit, sit.
Good boy.
Put this on.
( laughs )
What's so funny, Dudley?
You look great.
( laughing )
DuSTY: Can you see out of it?
Not really.
uh-huh. Minor corneal damage.
Page me if it spreads to the other eye.
( sirens approaching )
Who do I make it out to?
Alex? Okay.
( fire engine horn blasting )
But these aren't structure- bearing elements, Dad.
It doesn't matter.
It's still best to file another force majeure
and recoup the deductible.
( horn blasting )
( background radio communication )
You boys come up here with me.
But Buckley's still under there.
I know, but there's nothing we can do for him at the moment.
( quietly): Come on.
I got you a new dog for the boys.
I just bought him.
You did?
Sorry I let you down, Chas.
All ofyou.
I been trying to make it up to you.
What's his name?
Spark Plug.
Thankyou.
You'rewelcome.
I've had a rough year, Dad.
I know you have, Chassie.
Hey.
( fluttering )
( soft chirping )
RlCHlE: See, now he has
more white feathers on his neck.
I wonder what happened to him?
I don't know.
Sometimes if a person has a traumatic experience
their hair turns white.
Well, I'm sure he'll get over it.
This was one of my first hiding places.
How old do you think those are?
I'd say about ten years.
Come here.
( soft chirping )
( gentle melody plays on acoustic guitar)
NARRATOR: Royal dug a hole for Buckley behind the garden shed
and buried him in a canvas duffel bag.
All right, boys.
Say a prayer.
Dear Heavenly Father...
I do.
Etheline and Henry were married
48 hours later in judge's chambers.
Margot's new play was produced at the Cavendish Theatre.
This is my adopted daughter, Elaine Levinson.
( chuckling )
It ran forjust under two weeks and received mixed reviews.
Yes, can the boy tell time?
Oh, my Lord, no.
No. No.
Raleigh and Dudley went on a lecture tour
to 11 universities
in the promotion of their new book.
( audience applause )
Eli checked himself into a rehabilitation hospital
in North Dakota.
Oh, hey, this is my sponsor, Runs With Two Horses.
Wind's blowing up a gale today.
This is the grip that Rod Laver used.
Are you familiar with Laver?
Richie started a program
teaching competitive tennis to eight-to-12 year olds
at the 375th Street Y..
Game. Change sides.
( hooting, hollering, and laughing )
Royal had a heart attack at the age of 68.
Chas rode with him in the ambulance
and was the only witness to his father's death.
In his will, he stipulated
that his funeral take place at dusk.
( music ends )
Among the few possessions he left to his heirs
was a set of Encyclopedia Britannica
in storage at the Lindbergh Palace Hotel
under the names Ari and Uzi Tenenbaum.
No one spoke at the funeral
and Father Petersen's leg had not yet mended...
but it was agreed among them
that Royal would have found the event
to be most satisfactory.
Fire!
( harpsichord intro playing over rock beat)
* We shall walk again *
* All along the lane *
* Down the avenue *
* Just like we used to *
* With our heads so high *
* Smile at passersby *
* And we'll softly sigh *
* Ai-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi *
* Everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone *
* By the winding stream *
* We shall lay and dream *
* And these dreams come true *
* If we want them to *
* Yes, all will come *
* Playing pipes and drum *
* Sing a happy song *
* Yeah, we'll sing along *
* Everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone *
( instrumental interlude )
* We shall walk again *
* All along down the lane *
* Down the avenue *
* Just like we used to *
* With our heads so high *
* Smile at passersby *
* And we'll softly sigh *
* Ai-yi-yi-yi- yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi *
* Everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone *
( scatting )
* Yeah, yeah, hey, yeah. *
( gentle acoustic music continues )
* *
( music slowly fades out)